Bad Romance: Exploitation of Trust Online

While romance scams and digital abuse have different goals, they both rely on the exploitation of trust.

Whether the harm comes from a stranger met online or a partner in an intimate relationship, technology is increasingly used to manipulate, monitor, and control.

Understanding the tactics the bad actor uses is an important step toward protecting yourself and recognizing when something isn’t right.

Before we continue, there’s an important warning for readers who may be in monitored or unsafe situations.

A Note Before Continuing

Someone finding this article may have searched for phrases like “how does my ex know where I am” or “can my partner see my browsing history.” These questions often come from people who feel they may be in an unsafe, monitored, or controlled environment.

Can someone see what a person reads online?

In some situations, a tech-savvy abuser may be able to see:

• Browsing history
• Text messages
• Physical location

Those in relationships know their situation better than anyone. If at any point reading this article doesn’t feel safe, stop and clear your browsing history. Revisit this when the coast is a 1,000,000% clear.

For anyone coming here wondering what a scammer can see online, scammers are generally limited to what someone posts publicly on social media and any information a victim voluntarily shares or makes publicly accessible.

With this little note in mind, let’s look at how trust is exploited.

How Exploiting Trust Online Works

As we mentioned at the start of the article, romance scammers and abusers have different objectives. Those objectives are reached the same way by exploiting human behavior and our psychological makeup.

They both:

• Build emotional connections quickly. This is done through love bombing
• Isolate their victims
• Use urgency, fear, or secrecy to control.

The use of technology makes exploiting trust easier and sometimes harder to detect.

Romance Scams

According to the FBI’s 2024 Internet Crime Report, total victim losses to confidence/romance scams were $672,009,052.

The age groups that reported the highest number of criminal complaints filed to the FBI were:

• 40-49: 2,056
• 50-59: 2,365
• 60+: 7,626

Those under 20 received the fewest (272).

These are just numbers though. They don’t speak to the experience someone goes through with these scams.

What is a romance scam?

A romance scam is when a bad actor creates a fake identity online, then love bombs their target to quickly form an emotional bond, and once that bond is created they start asking for money, sensitive info, or to gain access to accounts.

Red flags:

• The romantic interest claims to be in the military, a contractor, a doctor, a model, or any profession where global travel is the norm.
• There’s always a financial emergency or crisis requiring money.
• There’s always something that comes up that prevents the person from meeting in real life.

Victims might not speak up because they’re embarrassed or ashamed to admit they were duped. They could also be threatened and told to keep the relationship a secret.

Leaving a romance scam can be emotionally difficult because of the bond that formed. Even after escaping the scam, victims may struggle to fully trust future romantic partners.

For an example showing how sophisticated romance scams have become, read this report from KTLA.

How Abusers Use Technology to Maintain Control

In abusive relationships, individuals may start noticing behavior from their partner that may indicate they’re being surveilled and tracked. This person may also discover online smear and harassment campaigns targeting them.

Here’s a list of things we’ve encountered while working with clients experiencing cyberstalking and surveillance:

• Threatening text messages
• GPS tracking
• Hacked accounts
• Video surveillance
• The use of stalkerware/spouseware on personal devices
• Monitoring of finances

With AI, an abuser can leverage apps to create deepfake porn of their victims. According to Ballotpedia, all 50 states in the U.S. plus D.C. have nonconsensual porn (revenge porn) laws [Source: Ballotpedia ]

This is to illustrate how technology has advanced over the years and how damaging it is in the wrong hands.

For those coming to this article looking for answers, before doing anything, an escape and safety plan is required. These plans shouldn’t be disclosed to anyone except those that are helping with the escape.

Why should someone have an escape plan before leaving an abusive relationship?

Within the context of digital abuse, discovering surveillance or changing technology access can increase the risk of physical harm. A safety and escape plan helps prepare for the possibility of escalation.

Just know this. For those reading this article that are in an abusive relationship, if something feels wrong, those feelings are valid.

For those planning to leave/separate, all plans must be in place before any confrontation. This includes plans for digital privacy and cybersecurity.

How We Help Family Law Attorneys

While we do offer litigation support for family law cases, clients, or prospective clients, may need help before they even hire your firm, during the separation/divorce proceedings, and post-divorce.

On the technology side, it’s important to understand:

• Whether an abuser has access to login credentials or shared devices/accounts
• Whether apps or services enabling surveillance or control were installed

How we support your clients:

• Conducting pre-divorce risk assessments
• Helping implement cybersecurity best practices
• Educating clients on privacy matters.
• Where appropriate, remain a resource for your client post-divorce.

Our services:

Litigation support
Client protection

How We Support Organizations That Serve Victims and Survivors

For organizations supporting victims and survivors of domestic violence and sexual abuse, we provide custom training to help teams address:

• Rapidly changing technology
• Limited technical resources
• Increases in tech enabled abuse.

Our trainings may include:

• Cybersecurity, physical security, and privacy education
• Threat modeling
• Documenting and preserving evidence

We work collaboratively to meet your organization’s specific training needs.

How We Help Protect Individuals

Whether you’re concerned about a potential romance scam, navigating an unsafe relationship involving digital abuse, or adjusting to life after separation or divorce, we provide support through:

• Education on how to spot romance scams
• Securing devices and accounts
• Discovering online security and privacy issues
• Creating safety plans

Here are our personal services

Your Takeaway

Romance scams and digital abuse exploit human behavior/psychology.

Our goal is to help you navigate your situation with safety as the top priority.

If you’re able to safely reach out, use our contact form below.

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